Dainbramage

Waiting for a Ride

Hi everyone.

I suppose you could say the seizures are down overall.  But just as I think I am 'free', one comes along and reminds me that my chances of driving again are about the same as the survival stats of blue eyeshadow at an Osco near Tammy Faye.  So I spend a lot of time waiting for rides.   This typically is not that fun, but then I started waiting for rides outside the studio.  For anyone in KC, the station is on The corner of Westport and SW TRFW, upstairs from the Bluestem.  So I wait on the corner opposite where Spiveys used to be. 

Before I go on, I need to caution younger readers or older people that offend easily.  Unless you have an understanding of the following topics and how, when woven together, can be funny:  Graphic sexuality, Alcoholism and Mental illness.  If you feel ready....

I was waiting for Amy to pick me up after she had gotten off work.   I was watching for her car when I noticed a woman walking towards me on Westport.  The instant I saw her the 'nutjob approaching' circuit tripped and I started looking for escape routes- those basic survival tactics that kept some ancient joe from being eaten by a cave bear.   So I was minimally prepared when she stopped and spoke to me.

The initial communication with a crazy person is very important.  The best you can hope for is a mutual, 'hey'.   One of the worst beginnings is a request for the time.  This is a bad omen because by providing a response you are now communicating and that common social wall is broken opening the door for additional give and terrify.  It also indicates the lack of a capacity to comprehend time(not good) or a large period of missing time(aliens are the best case scenario here).

You can guess the question I get.  She did not wait a moment after my response before leaping into the crazy aether.  Did she soften me up with any other small talk?  No.  This is the next thing she says.

'I met a hot guy today named Wade.  He couldn't make me cum for two hours.  Has that ever happened to you?'

I told her no although I really don't know what question I was answering.  Given unlimited time and a strong desire to avoid my wife and son pull up and see me in a conversation with this unsatisfied little jewel, there are several responses that could have taken us to even higher levels of weird. 'I have never met a hot guy named Wade.  When Wade fucks me I usually ring like a church bell.  Most women I am with orgasm without break for three hours or more.'  Ah well.  Hind site is funnier.

Not to disappoint, she keeps things lively.  'Maybe it was because my ex-husband was banging on the door.' 

I agree that this could be problematic for both she and Wade.

'Maybe I should go to AA'

'Are you doing that today?'

She nodded yes and then indicated she had been told it was at a place called the Plaza.  Is there a church at 47th and Jefferson?   Without fail, my trusty wife pulls up in her shining silver steed.  I indicated it was time for me to go and pointed in the general direction of where she was going.  Stepping into the warm car Amy asked me, 'Who was that crazy person you were talking to?'

Should I have given her a ride?  Maybe, but I am glad that I didn't hear her ask my son from the back seat, 'Is your name Wade?'

I feel great and the last round of chemo was breeze.  I am the luckiest guy in the world.  Thanks for reading and sending your good thoughts and prayers.

jobey

A Job

Hey folks.

I got a job that I can do regardless of how many seizures I have.  It is with JCrew.  They sell a line of broken in clothing.  I am a breaker-inner.  They send me clothes, I wear them and then I send them back.  The base pay is only $4.25 per hour but there is a sliding scale on top of that depending on how I break them in.  Watching sporting events adds a little.   Looking at boats puts me into a higher earning category as does cooking with papaya or guacamole.  Trying to get laid adds quite a bit.  Amy was not thrilled at all about that until she found out that my hourly salary for trying to score with women who have documented eating disorders while they are looking at boats is about $182.50.  She drove me to the marina.

Yes, she had to drive me.  It may be a long while before I can drive again.  The state says I need to be seizure free for six months and I may personally wait longer just to be sure.  It has been a little over one week.  Overall, the frequency is down but the intensity is still a 9.65 on the 'rock your ass' meter.   But who am I to complain?  Life is pretty damn good.  The bulbs are coming up and spring will make it.   I am still volunteering at the local public radio station and having a great time.  So much music in the world and so very little time.

Keep your heart warm through this last bit of cold.  Watch the sun come up and go down.  You will not regret it.  So much beauty in the world and every moment to take it in.  That is one of the things that makes this comedy more fun.

For the Insurance agencies that are monitoring this- I did not really get a job doing this.  JCREW doesn't pay people to wear clothes to break them in.  They pay people in other countries to beat them against rocks.

jobey

Chemo for Intelligently Designed Cat's Asses

Morning

I am up way too early on a Saturday.  This is due partly to the person who called and hung up(may a hallucinogenic toad shit in your mouth), but mostly to my cat's licking of his backside.   I will expand on that later but provide the latest medical news now so squeamish readers can bail out before the real fun begins.

We visited with doc Taylor early Friday morning.  There was some confusion about the appointment time so Amy and I had the opportunity to enjoy a waffle in the Med Center cafeteria.  The visit began with my favorite cognitive tests where we discovered that I continue to be able to follow fingers with my eyeballs and touch my nose.   Next came the lab results of  my blood which continues to be perfect.  You might not even guess that I was on chemo.   The lab measured the size of some key cells.  These cells were smaller than they should have been indicating that they were newer.  This is an excellent chunk of knowledge as it indicates my body is replacing the cells that have been destroyed.  Overall, I am one healthy dude.  I attribute this to Chris for his acupuncture and herbal mastery and to my continued belief that it is impossible for sickness to exist in a body that loves and laughs.

I had an opportunity to laugh to excess this week.  I was able to attend the premiere of a new documentary by Randy Olson titled A Flock of Dodos.   The film explores the debate between evolution and intelligent design that is currently impacting the curriculums of students in the state of Kansas.  The movie does have a slant towards the evolution side but this is easily accomplished by straightforward interviews of ID proponents.  My favorite segment of the film involves the discussion of the design of the human heart with a man who has had eight bypasses.  He points out that there is no alternate way for blood out of the heart and that any problem with the aorta results in complete failure.  This heart, which shares the same basic design principles as the heart of a fish, is really only good for cardiologists. 

Ultimately, I am really stunned that the two sides cannot find a resolution.  I certainly can incorporate evolution into my faith.  Having said that, I cannot put the Joe stamp of approval on the idea of intelligent design being science.  If good science principles were followed, as Amy pointed out, ID would have started as a hypothesis and then tested.  This never happened and will never happen.  ID is not science and should never be mandated to kids as such.  It is religion and should stay at home.  I don't have a problem with your faith, just don't teach it to my kid. (See Constitution  http://www.cs.indiana.edu/statecraft/constitution.html).

Now for the fun stuff.  Our cat Jazz likes to lick his butt.  I am fine with that-I am a tolerant person.  The problem is that he is a little loud.  To my ears it is a cross between a five year old sucking jello through a straw and the sound of sanding granite.   Oh yeah, and it is loud.  When he sits on the end of the bed and does it at 6:00 am, it wakes you up.  He does it when he wants food.  He knows it will wake me up. Kicking him off the bed is not a fix.  You can hear him in the next room.  It gets into your brain and festers.  Pavlov would love the way that fat cat has me trained.  Lick ass here-big dude give food.

Well that is enough for today.  I am healthy.  I think the concept (not theory) of intelligent design is crazy.  My cat controls me with his ass.  This is my life and I love every second of it.  I am the luckiest man in the world and I am going to hit enter and dance.  I suggest you do as well.

jobey

Seized

Hi folks.

After three weeks of life without a hint of seizure, one tagged me.  It was Sunday morning and I had just returned from my morning ritual of getting the paper, checking out the sunrise, looking at the new shoots coming up in the bulb garden, and eyeballing the retaining wall I am planning.  I opened the front door and the flash bulb went off in my head.  I sat down on the bench immediately and tried to weather the storm without Amy noticing.  She is really good at sniffing them out because by the time it was over she was in the room, holding my hand, and wiping the drool off my coat.  Yes drool.  I wish I had a picture of me sitting there with a big ol string of drool trailing out of a stupid look on my face.  So a new obsession has begun.

I have never seen myself seize up.  I want to.  So if I happen to be hanging out with any of you, and I fall down the furry mental tube, please take my picture.  I would like to see how out of it I look from the outside.  I promise to post the picture without any edits so everyone can enjoy it.

Love to the folks who still come around and look.

jobey

Hot Sauce, Soft Wood, Drugs and Tunes

I am a certified Taco Bell Junky.   No where on earth is $3.00 more valuable.  People watching at TB is at a premium.  I frequently encounter trophies that are only bagged at much larger venues such as football games.  Domestic disputes are not uncommon and apathy runs high.

To improve upon this already gas fueled festival of insanity, TB has begun placing these zen-like sayings on the sauce packets which are just brilliant.  A sampling of these includes:

I fear bike tires, how many of these do you already have in your glove compartment?, nice palm- I read a great deal of pleasure in your future, do you add sauce left to right or right to left?, not to be used as a flotation device, be gentle, and .... use your stomach-nacho mind.  If you are interested in a fuller perusal please follow the link below to the Condiment Packet Museum.  Oh yeah...finally someone with even more free time than your very own Tumorless Joe. 

http://www.clearfour.com/condiment/tbsauce.html

Now for some seizure news.  Amy and I visited a neurologist on Thursday.  We liked talking with her.   It was an interesting time for the appt as I have not had a seizure while I was awake in almost three weeks.  We did have a lot of conversation about trying to continue this success while moving to some new medications.  She feels that Dylantin is a 'dirty drug' because it interacts with many other drugs and it is not the best long-term solution.  My other anti-seizure med has an unwanted side-effect that I would like to get away from.

It gives me unwanted erections.  They are not the viagra type; although I have never taken it so I really don't know.  It is more of a half-chub but it lasts all day.   So it ends up not being anything for Amy to write home about but  I can't leave the house in sweats.   The doc assured me that this current med has a 'cousin drug' that she is not aware of any reported half-chub issues.  I am not comfortable with the words cousin and drug being related but the alternative is really getting on my nerves.  Plus, I live one block from a school so it is only a matter of time before the police come to have a chat.

(The above erection references are fictional and not intended to cause anyone anxiety.  It has been included because a recent poll of my demographics indicate that 78% of my readers like boner jokes.) 

Finally, I have been volunteering at KKFI radio the last several weeks.  It has been tremendous fun.  I am currently working on music cataloging project that involves listening to new music and making recommendations to the on-air staff on the best tracks and occasionally canning stuff early so they do not have to waste time listening to the really bad stuff.  It is a blast!  Several volunteers sit in a room with disc players and headphones and just listen to tunes.  Everyone has a genre that they are familiar with and that they work in.  So you get to know a really wide range of very cool people who have all kinds of musical tastes.  We also share the really good and the violently horrible with each other.  I am working primarily in the folk and occasionally country areas.  I would like to do a few hours in the jazz area but there are so many people in that station who know so much about Jazz it wouldn't make sense for me to listen to that.  Not that I am a huge country nut but I can seperate good musicianship from the label manufactured crap (Country Backstreet Boys).

So to summarize a long bunch of babble:  I feel good, NO seizures for almost three weeks, new neurologist that we like, NO erection issues and Volunteering is good.  Here are a few music discoveries that were pointed out or I discovered: 

Bill Dees  'Castin my Spell on You' - bluesy, honky tonkin, rock that is just damn good.  The guy has pipes and can play the piano with the best of em.

Copperpot  "Chapter 7' - Rap with some incredible sampling that includes an accordian.  The guy reviewing the hiphop stuff just called it 'Whack'

Hiromi  'I didn't get the name of the album' - Electronic fusion jazz that Sun Ra would have been damn proud of.  This is a musical amphetamine. 

Wow- the longest post in a while.  Thanks for sticking with me.  For those of you who have written me about your own tumor or one that is annoying someone you love, please write back.  I won't preach but I can answer any questions.

love to everyone

joe

Light Headed

Hi everyone.

Great news on the tumah front.   Growing weary of slashing blades, radioactive baking, and nuclei zapping drugs, my passenger has decided to exit my brainbox and take up residence in the left ass cheek of a bolivian donkey named prospero.

That's right folks,  my latest MRI indicates that the tumah that tried to establish a foothold in the pink folds between my ears is gone.  There may be a few cells still hanging out but they are of insuffecient numbers to be detectable the MRI tube.   I will complete my remaining seven chemo cycles to ensure that any stragglers get killed deader than the career of  Billy Squire but the tumah that I was diagnosed with over two years ago no longer exists.  I will be seeing a neurologist later this month to try and figure out how to manage the siezures which still haunt me. 

Until then have a good Christmas.

I want to thank everyone who prayed and sent good thoughts my way.   I love each of you and hope that your own lives are blessed with health and happiness beyond your fondest wishes.

joe

Another Dr Visit

Hello everyone.

I visited doc Taylor in preparation for the beginning of cycle four of chemo.    She was very happy that cycle three had passed by so easily and that some of the medication adjustments had worked out.  My blood work was good and I had normal counts with the exception of one type of white cell which we anticipated would be low based on the Temodar drug I take.    The siezures had been minimal the last days before the appt but I had noticed some dizziness.   This dizziness was not the acute type that accompanies a siezure but rather the I just feel unsteady all day variety.  We could not determine why these two symptoms seemed to have manifested at about the same interval during the visit.

A phone call a few hours later shed some light on the situation.   The level of dylantin, an anti-siezure drug I take was 34.3.  Theraputic levels should remain between 10 and 12.   So I had been walking around with enough dylantin in my blood to deter siezures in bull blue whales.  Can you guess the primary symptom of an elevated dylantin level? - for those of you who guessed general diziness- hug Bob Barker and pick up your SanFrancisco Treat.

So I ceased consuming the drug over the weekend and my level returned to normal.  So I will be taking a smaller dose moving forward.   This will not impact the next round of chemo which will begin on the 21st and run for eight days.  I anticipate it being as easy as cycle three, if not even more so.

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend.  Go see the Wallace and Grommet movie.  It will make you happy.

jobey

Feelin Fine

Hey everyone.

Today is the 16th day since I took my last chemo drug in cycle two.  I am deep enough into my rest cycle that all of the queasiness and most of the fatigue from cycle two is gone.  I do not miss it.  I start taking the meds again on the 23rd.   

I went to the annual Garlic Party that is thrown by some good friends this last weekend.  Everyone takes a dish that they have prepared that contains a fair amount of garlic.  Each dish is laid out with a number and then everyone snacks.   People also have a drink or two and laugh.  Towards the end of the evening everyone votes for their favorite three dishes.  Winners get prizes, accolades and breath mints.  Amy took third with her mushroom cheesy tarts or cheesy mushroom poofs depending on your current needs.  Thanks to Rich,Shannon and the boys for a great time.

I also spoke to an old friend who was afflicted with a horrible neurological bomb called Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.  His story made me realize how lucky I really am in life.  If you have any extra good thoughts please send them to Brian.

Love to everyone reading.

jobey

Doc Update

Hello everyone.

I wanted to provide the promised update on my meeting with doc Taylor.  She and an independent radiologist compared the MRI that I had this week along with the one taken just after I finished radiatioon therapy.  They both concluded that there was no chnage and that the remaining tumah is showing no indication of beginning to change.  This is the best news we could have gotten.  She also indicated that my blood counts were where they should be again and that I can start round three of chemo on Oct 23rd. 

She suggested that I take a daily softener when I am am taking the chemo pills to combat the blockage, which is something that I am just going to have to live with.  That moves my daily pill intake to just under 300. 

Overall I am feeling great and enjoying autumn.  I am putting a few final things in the ground and mulching. 

Thanks to Lorraine for the link to the crazy stuff stuffed in MRI.  If you didn't follow it, take a few minutes.  There are pics of chairs stuffed into the things.

Love to everyone reading and take some time to be outside.  Oh-no movement on the KING project.  I will let you know when I find anything.

jobey

da tube...da tube

Hey everyone.

My siezures are still down.  I have had two since I last posted but they both came while I was asleep.   I don't mind them when I am out.  They do wake me up but I can always get back to crash land really easily.

I have an MRI this afternoon in preparation for an appt with my oncologist this Friday.  If you have never had an MRI of the brain with contrast, let me iluminate you.  Arrive and fill out paperwork designed to make absolutely certain that you do not have any metal in your body.  I enjoy this process because I had no idea there were so many ways in which you can get metal into your body.  My two favorite questions on the sheet are:

Penile implant (males only)   and IUD (females only)   Thank the heavens for this clarification.

At the completion of the paperwork they take you back to a room with lockers where you shed any external metal like watches and change into a gown.   When your ass is suffeciently bared for everyone, you go back to the room with the tube.  The temperature in this room is perfect for inducing the most pronounced nip-out of your life.  They ask you a few last minute and redundant metal questions and put in ear plugs.  You lay on a table which will lift you up to the tube level.  This table vibrates enough to rupture organs.  A thirty million dollar piece of machinery and the table that lifts you into it was a blue-light special.

The tube you are put into is roughly the diameter of a basketball.  It is not uncommon for my nipples to get held up on the edge.  If you have any claustraphobia, you best just kiss your sanity goodbye because you are royally hosed.  When you are fully inserted they turn it on.  There is no doubt that the machine is on as it is LOUD.  It is roughly equivalent to having a jackhammer operated six inches from your face.  Twenty minutes later you are pulled out of the machine, but the adventure is not over.  They have pulled you out to shoot iodine into your veins so they can stuff your ass back into the tube for round two.   Another twenty minutes of jackhammer land and you are pulled out and the operators say nice things to you about what a good sport you were.  I think this is because 30% of people who come out beat the shit out of everyone in the room.  If you don't do this, you are a good sport.

I will let you know how my oncologist appt goes on Friday.

jobey