Hi everyone.
Have you noticed that there are well meaning people in your life that spend far too much time thinking about the dryness of your skin? When the dryness level of someone they know exceeds a some freakish subjective level they become fairly obsessed in correcting it with the forced application of creams and lotions that they seem to keep in tremendous supply. Like ammunition in a war that only they believe is being waged, the tubes and bottles fill holsters that masquerade as purses.
Amy suffers from this affliction; this need to neep all the world smooth and moist. I suffer as well. I enjoy my dry skin. I enjoy scratching my legs a little before I get in bed. But most importantly, I detest feeling oily. Not being able to open the bathroom door because of my last 'treatment' is a hell reserved only for those who love a 'loober'.
The most insideous attack involves placing lotion on the palm of her hand and then depositing the glob upon the back on my hand in some violent jergens drive by. Let me clarify the term glob. A glob is not an ammount of lotion that can be easily rubbed into the hands. It is a volume that would be suffecient to soften the Knights Templar occupying the holy land during the crusades to the point of being unable to hold a weapon. The last time I attempted to absorb the 'glob' I killed a neighbor when I picked up the remote control. He came over to watch a basketball game and left with a piece of plastic reading Toshiba sticking out of his cranium.
But it is my lot and I accept it. I do offer a warning to anyone who visits. Touch me at your own peril. The last person who shook my hand was unable to start his car for almost an hour. I need to go now. It has taken me almost 72 hours to type this post, I am horribly dehydrated and surrounded by broken glass.
Send help if you can.
jobey
That made me giggle like a perverted teenager. :-) Thanks!
Posted by: Lori | February 27, 2006 at 10:27 AM