Storms

Hi everyone.

It stormed all day and evening.  Woohoo!  I love storms.   I love the calm before the push when the cool breeze spills out of the coming chaos and reveals a color that no artist could ever emulate as the leaf bottoms flash beneath the roiling darkness in the sky.  Waiting for the big lightnings to come closer is the sweetest tension.   I secretly hope that one will strike the tree in the front yard so that I can feel my chest thump as the thunder crashes around me.

Then the rain comes and brings with it the smell and taste of life.  It is the essence of purity.  That fragrance is the breath of the world.  It has a healing power.  I strongly suggest that you step out into every storm that finds you and breathe deeply.  Breathe down into your toes.

Mental Storms -  I have received several questions regarding the seizures that rage in my head from time to time.  I want to assure everyone that they are nothing like the flopping, flailing, frothing monsters portrayed in film and really good radio broadcasts.  Granted, those seizures do exist and many people endure them.

My seizures, or 'heaters' as I often refer to them, are much less violent.  They typically begin as a hot flash. Often times they progress no further than this.  While my little private glimpse into menopause is running, I can continue conversations and people around me may not notice that something is up unless I scream at them about inconsequential things.   The next progression is dizziness and the same feeling you get when you stand up too fast.  The dizziness can cause me to fall down if I am on my feet but this is not always the case.   It is extremely rare that an entire heater last longer than 30 seconds and they can run for less than ten. 

The point I want to emphasize to everyone is that my brain storms are not violent or painful unless I happen to get really dizzy and fall down.  Even if I do fall down, indicating that the seizure was one of the stronger ones I have, I am still aware enough of my surroundings to make it a controlled fall.  I never lose consciousness.  The biggest negative of a heater is the rampant frustration that I experience afterward.  This frustration is born of the anger that I am not in full control of my body.  I am sure this feeling is no different from that experienced by folks who are incontinent or have turrets.   I like to think of it in terms of the Woody Allen movie Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask.  I want to find the little dude in the white smock who is VP of Seizure and ask how hard it is to push the 'NO' button.  So please eliminate the picture of me thrashing on the floor from your mental box unless you derive some twisted pleaure from it. 

Love to everyone.  Radiation is rocking and I am feeling great.   Now go and blow shit up this weekend.

Comments

[Melissa]

When I was little I remember thinking that when it rained alot it meant god was crying. Your post reminded me of that and then today I saw someone wearing a shirt that read "I found God", he was behind the couch the whole time. Granted I saw this on someone at a perkins around 3:00 a.m. I would love to reveal the rest of the story but I know mom reads this site.

[Sherry]

I love your description of last night -- I experienced what you did I just can't express it the way you can.

Also, thank you too for sharing what your seizures are like...all the things we want to ask but don't. I would suggest you wear layers and don't hesitate to strip down if it makes you feel better...that's what us gals do! Keep a mist bottle of cold water close by...make your own summer shower.