Halfway Almost Sorta

Hey everyone.

This morning the big metal dragon started breathing into my head again.  This is the third week of a six week treatment.  Woohoo!   There is a song that I have been hesitant to take into the treatment room.   This morning I played it.  They are baking my noggin and if I want to listen to dark side of the moon backward with red paint all over my body I am damn well going to do it.

So I dropped Joe Jackson's Cancer into the player.  (For those of you not familiar with the tune, the lyrics center around the theme that everything gives you cancer and that the surest way to avoid dying is to stop living.  Additionally, the tune just moves.  It wasn't long before Kim and Harriet were grooving around the room and shouting back at Joe things like, "Ain't that true!"  It was my best session yet.

The seizures are increasing in frequency and intensity.  SHIT  I am still waiting on some herbs that my acupuncturist is ordering.  These have been really successful in the past at helping keep the buzzers in check but I have been off of them since prior to the surgery.  There was concern about potential bleeding impacts of the herbs, but since all of those dangers have passed, I am ready to start taking them again.

The worst part about seizures are when Aiden sees me have one.  "Daddy, did you just have a seizure?" is the most terrible question you can ever be asked.   I have to answer truthfully; its fairly obvious when I have a strong one.  The sadness in his eyes is paralyzing.

Given all that, I am feeling great.   I had a real breakthrough this weekend during my meditation.  It began when I was thinking about how wonderful the freedom will be when this is all over.  Freedom from the daily thoughts,  fears, and adjustments that you learn to live with.  I was surprised how much I long for that freedom.  The powerful connection between freedom and the absence of the tumor clicked for me.  When I am free of all of the worries, useless concerns and guilt, the tumor will be gone.   I am now striving to live within this freedom in each m0ment and breath.

The breakthrough was helped by an incredible experience Saturday night.  I was able to sit in a magical grove framed by branches and roofed with stars.  Inside this magical spot, music played, friends laughed and hugged , and we all celebrated those things that are best in life.  It was wonderful and I want to thank Doogles, Billiam, Jammer and everyone else that brought the spell to life.  You are all special and I love you.

Thank you all for reading.  Tomorrow (Tuesday) is another TeeBall practice.  I cannot wait.  I will report on what the beautiful ones accomplish.

Comments

[dug]

Joby,

Thanks for the warm thoughts on the Boog Holler inaugural solstice bash. Thanks even more for being there. Having you and Amy and Gail and Don lounging and laughing in the lawnchairs in the grass was the most heart-warming thing I saw all evening. Moreso even than the seven drunk strangers from up the street who crashed the party after you were gone, one of whom passed out next to the cooler.

And thanks for all the brilliantly written insights on your world. You've always been the one who keeps things in perspective for me. Now, more than ever.

Dug

[SueBee]

Joe,

I look forward to reading your postings each day.

People around me at work are beginning to know how you are doing without even having to ask me. When I am really really happy, and smiling, they know my beautiful son is having a good day. There are times, when they see me shedding tears or I am quiet, they know things aren't going as good. People are funny creatures, it is hard for them to see someone cry or unhappy, but are lost for words, and not sure what to do. Sometimes the readings are hard for me. I hate to see you hurt in anyway. Be strong for Aiden, as I know you are. One of these days all this will be over, and we can throw one hell of a party and celebrate your freedom. It will be soon.

Sometimes I get a little lost in your thought process, but that's because mom is getting older, and partially senile :)

Keep the postings coming. I am anxious to hear about our precious Aiden and TeeBall.

Love Ya Babe,
your mom-SueBee